“He taught me how to read the Bible and he taught me how to teach people how to read the Bible.” Walking With Jesus Not for a day, for a moment, but forever.” “Jesus loves me so much that He was willing to die, so that I can know Him. Not for a day, now for a week, but forever, and not the worst place the table, the best place the table. But instead, he offers him his hand and a place at the table. “He looks up at the soldier, and he believes that he deserved death. “I walked in those doors, and I walked out a very different person. “, Do you know God?….Do you have a relationship with Him?’…She started by asking me all these questions, but not in the most gentle, sincere way…Then we walk for three hours.” I pick up the phone, and I call my agent and I say, ‘I quit.’ And I call, the company that had contracted me and I quit.” Meeting Jesus I remember looking at myself in the mirror, and I had no idea who the person was looking back at me.” “It’s like I created this plausible reality that I was living in and when she said Joshua, it shattered….I had felt guilty and ashamed, but I never felt convicted. “I felt so alone and so depressed that I found myself saying, ‘God, I don’t really know if You’re there, but if You are, I just want to die.” Called by Name “The deeper I got in, the more fame I got, the more detached from reality I became, because I hated what I did….but it was so close to what I wanted to be doing.” I felt ashamed, so I started to pull away from my mom, I started to pull away from anyone that knew me in an authentic way.” In Genesis 3 sin enters the picture and then they’re hiding from God, because they’re guilty and ashamed. ‘In Genesis 2 Adam and Eve are walking, they’re naked, and there’s no shame. And I feel dirty and disgusting.” Emotional Toll of Working in the Porn Industry Then next thing I know, I have a check in my hand, and I’m on my way home. “The director waves me over and to be completely honest, I walk over and as soon as I step into the light, I don’t remember a thing. “That was one of many times where I justified doing something, because I told myself a lie.” “He asked me a few questions, and he spoke to every insecurity I had.” “In walked four girls…I went over them and within five minutes they said, ‘Hey, have you ever considered acting?’ I said, ‘Well, actually, I am an actor.’… But I didn’t see the curveball saying, ‘Oh, we’re talking about porn’.” Whatever I’m doing, for good or bad, I’m going to give it everything I got.” The Beginning of Working as A Porn Actor Whatever I do, I want to be the best at it. My life was about basketball, modeling and acting.” “But I started modeling when I was 13 or 14.
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